Friday, February 12, 2010

Lucky You

Do the people who complain all day long about their jobs ever stop to consider that maybe they should be grateful they even have a job? How I'm feeling right now…yeah, it's kind of like that.

I'm a pretty passionate person - passionate about my family and my career, easily moved to strong emotion when discussing my faith or my failures, strongly opinionated about quite a few things but always trying to reign in that passion to allow others to be heard and understood. And that passion is all pretty much positive. I'm happy and hopeful and forward looking. I'm content and concerned but optimistic. I realize that my life - even all of the things not exactly as I would wish them - are born of my own choices.

Consequently, it takes a lot to get me really riled-up angry. Maybe it's just the Valentine's Day vibes in the air but I'm working up a pretty good mad today.

Every day as I look through my Facebook feed and my Twitter stream I'm so disappointed by how many women feel it necessary to complain about everything they feel is wrong with their lives. But today? Today I find myself getting angrier and angrier at the amount of negativity being spouted about their husbands and children, about their roles as wives and mothers. Does it ever occur to them to be grateful that they have people in their lives to love?

There are some of us who long to bear the titles Wife and Mother and may never have that opportunity. There are some of us who have so much love to give and find ourselves funneling that energy into other, less worthy, outlets than nurturing a marriage relationship or raising righteous children. Sure, I know it's not all romance and roses and cute, sticky kisses from well-behaved children. I know that, like me, you still struggle with finances and self-image issues and disappointment bred of unmet expectations. Women are women regardless of their marital or parental status.

But right now I don't even have the hope of roses or sticky kisses. I go home every night to an empty house. And if I have one more friend tell me how much they would love that - I might punch them right in the face.

I mean, really, at what point does venting frustration go from being an honest expression of current emotion to being something much more consuming? Can they not see that they are becoming negative, unhappy people because that seems to be all they ever focus on? Can they not see the effect this has on their ability to love and nurture their husbands and their children and to feel that love returned?

Once a month I stand and repeat the words, "prepared to strengthen home and family." And I really try to do that the best way I know how - with my students and my friends and my siblings and their children. I believe that family is the basic unit of society. I know that the role of motherhood is sacred and significant. And if I can't be a mother I want to support the women in my life who do get that overwhelming, sometimes thankless, tiresome but awe-inspiring job. But, listening to some of you it makes me wonder why you ever got married and had children. Sometimes it makes me wonder why I would ever want to. And that makes me sad. And angry.

So - Happy Valentine's Day everyone! Go love someone for crying out loud - and be grateful that you get to do so.



  1. As always well said Crista. I had someone once complain about having to buy Christmas for their family. I turned to them and said I would give anything to have a family who loved me as I have no family, or have a family to buy Christmas for. They just laughed and said you can buy my Christmas......they just don't get it! But I am so grateful for my friends.....because they let me share in their lives and that helps fulfill those spots I am missing. So Yep right there with you Girlfriend.....I can say that now....cuz I feel like I am your shadow and want to grow up to be JUST LIKE YOU! Hugs my friend!

  2. ohhhhh I just love you.

    my mom thought it humorous that last night my youngest son didn't want to come out from under his bed after his bath, and yes, he was buck naked. She laughed her head off about that... and now after reading this, I think she was right.

    thanks my dear friend.

  3. I concur, cousin. People who complain about things others would be most grateful to have, should feel quite ashamed of themselves.

  4. You tell 'em Crista! I haven't been "mad" about all the negativity, but I have been "sad" ...trying to figure out how I can say "get over yourself and try being positive---your life will get better if you do, and worse if you don't"...I just didn't feel like I could say anything. But I can say "ditto" now that you have.

  5. I totally agree!! What's hard is that some people will never understand the blessing of what they have because they have never not had it. Thanks for the rant!!!

  6. Crista,

    Just read your post after Amy mentioned it on Facebook. And I completely understand - I can't tell you how many times I've thought or felt or said those exact same things. Even now that I'm married, I still feel the same way, especially as I watch all the little girls in my ward who got married at 19 or 20 and who have 3 or 4 small children. I still feel like an outcast sometimes, especially every time one of them says something like, "Wow, I didn't know you were THAT old."

    But you know how Eve said when they were cast out of the Garden that it was better for them to pass through sorrow that they could know the good from the evil? I really believe that her statement applies more to marriage and family than to almost anything else. And I think that those of us who have passed through the sorrow of being single for longer than most people are better prepared to appreciate the joys and frustrations that come with marriage and family. I can never remember which apostle said it, but I know he said something to the effect that the Lord counts our tears and that we will be compensated for what we "missed out" on. I know that is true - for me, and for you, too. You deserve the best. And someday, you'll get the best. :)